Ben's Class Reflections
Note: Reflections were done each week by students in the class. They may refer to specific books or speakers. We encourage you to follow our reflects and read our weekly book assignments, find more information in the Get Involved section.
Week One. 1/7/2012
Wow, what a huge difference six hours make. When I came into class Wednesday at 3:30 I had no idea that my personal beliefs would be challenged, my preconceptions about race and the justice system shattered, and that I would experience a veritable paradigm shift by the end of the week. I have always known that we should not prejudge others that we have not met, but when you don’t have a personal connection with those people, you are never able to truly understand what drives them, so you are never able to double check how truly wrong you can be. I can already tell that the experiences that I have in this class will change the way that I think about the other people that I share this world with. These people have been through it all and have come out with a new understanding of life and the passion to change their world, and I want to learn from them exactly how they do that.
My first experience in the class was walking into Mary Gates Hall 271 and marveling at the diversity of my classmates that were already seated. I don’t think I had seen that many shades of skin in one small room since high school, and it reminded me of how racially uniform my classes at the University of Washington have been. Perhaps that is a reflection on the Chemistry and Mathematics classes I am taking rather than the whole university, but I was surprised that it jumped out at me like it did. I made my way across the room to sit next to Abby, one of the few people in the class that I’ve known for a while, and in doing so, I sat next to Pollard who was wearing a dress shirt, slacks, and a really nice purple tie. I introduced myself and shook his hand, but I sensed some uneasiness from him. I am not sure if he was uncomfortable because he was having a bad day, or if he had just come from a job interview, or if he was just a little bit shy. I didn’t learn until two days later that Pollard had gotten out of prison in the last few years and was shocked to find himself in a university classroom with normal students greeting him like it wasn’t a big deal. I intend to ask him what he was really thinking about when I shook his hand, to finally clear up anything that might have been misunderstood.
Our speaker for the day was Lisa Daugaard, the deputy director of The Defender Association and also a part of the Racial Disparity Project. Lisa had been a public defender for about four years when she first worked for the Washington Defender Association and gave the class a little taste of what being a public defender is like. The long and short of the talk is this: being a good public defender is damn impossible and being an adequate public defender is damn near impossible. The sheer amount of cases that they have to take is absurd; there is a case limit in Washington that limits public defenders to 450 misdemeanors a year (and less of the more serious offenses). There are only 250 working days in a year, so to be taking 1.8 misdemeanors a day for a year and to keep doing that for years on end is simply madness. It makes the schedule that I’m taking this quarter with five classes, research lab, band stuff, and fraternity stuff look like a piece of cake. One of my favorite quotes from the entire talk was when Lisa was answering a question about how the success of getting your client acquitted. She said that getting the “not guilty” verdict was not a huge part of the job; it just meant that it was an easy case or somebody else screwed up. Lisa said, “Some of the best work you can do as a lawyer is to not get that acquittal, but you put together an awesome trial with a less than sympathetic judge. Your client is convicted and sentenced for 30 years, but gets out three years later on a technicality.” That really spoke to me because she is doing the best that you can for the people who are depending on you, regardless of the stakes that are against you. The talk turned to some of the more ridiculous laws that we have in Seattle including tickets and impounding of your car for driving with a suspended license and a trespassing law where the police department gets to decide if you are trespassing on someone else’s property. To me, it seems like somewhere along the line there was a rule put into place and then no one has really looked at the effects that happen or how the law is affecting people now. The argument that This is the way it has always been should be banished, and we should be constantly be reviewing our policies if people are having issues with them. I know manpower and money are short, and that there is probably a different side of the story that I haven’t considered, but that is the way it seems now. It is unfair to punish an entire population for a part of the population’s mistakes.
Two days after Lisa came and talked to us, we met as just UW students to talk about what Wednesday had been like and what the plan was for the rest of the quarter. I admit that I had not read the course description very closely recently and this was the first time I really understood the gravity of the collaboration that was going to take place. We had some questions answered and learned a little bit about each other before meeting with everybody on Saturday. It is always difficult with a brand new class to really understand how things are going to take shape, especially in one that is as complex as this one, but talking about the class in a smaller setting was very helpful.
Saturday was the first day where we met as a whole class to discuss what we were going to accomplish this quarter. The dynamic in the room was something else. I don’t think anybody fully comprehended how amazing it was to be a part of this class, except for maybe Claudia as she has been envisioning this day for a long time. The UW honors students could not really wrap their minds around the fact that this person sitting next to you has done time, especially when we see how full of life and passion they all are. The students from PPEP are fairly open about how long they were in prison, and even how recently they had gotten out. That just didn’t seem to be possible, how recently these men and women have been in prison, and now here they are. I am so glad that these students have turned back to education and are committed to helping others learn what it is like because I am benefitting so much from them. The students from PPEP can’t believe that they are on the University of Washington campus and are experiencing this life that the Honors kids sometimes take for granted. It was pretty much a guarantee that we were going to college and going to do well and to see someone marvel at what you have already accomplished is humbling. We worked pretty well in a big group. There were some points in the conversation that I felt were a little off topic, but I enjoyed it all the same.
I cannot wait to see what this class does, and what we accomplish. I am a little bit worried that my busy schedule will not allow me to participate as much as I would like, but I’m sure I will get through it. If there is anything that I’ve learned in this week, it’s that friends are really easy to make. It only takes a quick smile, a promise to hoop it up sometime later, and presto! You’ve just made friends with an ex con!
My first experience in the class was walking into Mary Gates Hall 271 and marveling at the diversity of my classmates that were already seated. I don’t think I had seen that many shades of skin in one small room since high school, and it reminded me of how racially uniform my classes at the University of Washington have been. Perhaps that is a reflection on the Chemistry and Mathematics classes I am taking rather than the whole university, but I was surprised that it jumped out at me like it did. I made my way across the room to sit next to Abby, one of the few people in the class that I’ve known for a while, and in doing so, I sat next to Pollard who was wearing a dress shirt, slacks, and a really nice purple tie. I introduced myself and shook his hand, but I sensed some uneasiness from him. I am not sure if he was uncomfortable because he was having a bad day, or if he had just come from a job interview, or if he was just a little bit shy. I didn’t learn until two days later that Pollard had gotten out of prison in the last few years and was shocked to find himself in a university classroom with normal students greeting him like it wasn’t a big deal. I intend to ask him what he was really thinking about when I shook his hand, to finally clear up anything that might have been misunderstood.
Our speaker for the day was Lisa Daugaard, the deputy director of The Defender Association and also a part of the Racial Disparity Project. Lisa had been a public defender for about four years when she first worked for the Washington Defender Association and gave the class a little taste of what being a public defender is like. The long and short of the talk is this: being a good public defender is damn impossible and being an adequate public defender is damn near impossible. The sheer amount of cases that they have to take is absurd; there is a case limit in Washington that limits public defenders to 450 misdemeanors a year (and less of the more serious offenses). There are only 250 working days in a year, so to be taking 1.8 misdemeanors a day for a year and to keep doing that for years on end is simply madness. It makes the schedule that I’m taking this quarter with five classes, research lab, band stuff, and fraternity stuff look like a piece of cake. One of my favorite quotes from the entire talk was when Lisa was answering a question about how the success of getting your client acquitted. She said that getting the “not guilty” verdict was not a huge part of the job; it just meant that it was an easy case or somebody else screwed up. Lisa said, “Some of the best work you can do as a lawyer is to not get that acquittal, but you put together an awesome trial with a less than sympathetic judge. Your client is convicted and sentenced for 30 years, but gets out three years later on a technicality.” That really spoke to me because she is doing the best that you can for the people who are depending on you, regardless of the stakes that are against you. The talk turned to some of the more ridiculous laws that we have in Seattle including tickets and impounding of your car for driving with a suspended license and a trespassing law where the police department gets to decide if you are trespassing on someone else’s property. To me, it seems like somewhere along the line there was a rule put into place and then no one has really looked at the effects that happen or how the law is affecting people now. The argument that This is the way it has always been should be banished, and we should be constantly be reviewing our policies if people are having issues with them. I know manpower and money are short, and that there is probably a different side of the story that I haven’t considered, but that is the way it seems now. It is unfair to punish an entire population for a part of the population’s mistakes.
Two days after Lisa came and talked to us, we met as just UW students to talk about what Wednesday had been like and what the plan was for the rest of the quarter. I admit that I had not read the course description very closely recently and this was the first time I really understood the gravity of the collaboration that was going to take place. We had some questions answered and learned a little bit about each other before meeting with everybody on Saturday. It is always difficult with a brand new class to really understand how things are going to take shape, especially in one that is as complex as this one, but talking about the class in a smaller setting was very helpful.
Saturday was the first day where we met as a whole class to discuss what we were going to accomplish this quarter. The dynamic in the room was something else. I don’t think anybody fully comprehended how amazing it was to be a part of this class, except for maybe Claudia as she has been envisioning this day for a long time. The UW honors students could not really wrap their minds around the fact that this person sitting next to you has done time, especially when we see how full of life and passion they all are. The students from PPEP are fairly open about how long they were in prison, and even how recently they had gotten out. That just didn’t seem to be possible, how recently these men and women have been in prison, and now here they are. I am so glad that these students have turned back to education and are committed to helping others learn what it is like because I am benefitting so much from them. The students from PPEP can’t believe that they are on the University of Washington campus and are experiencing this life that the Honors kids sometimes take for granted. It was pretty much a guarantee that we were going to college and going to do well and to see someone marvel at what you have already accomplished is humbling. We worked pretty well in a big group. There were some points in the conversation that I felt were a little off topic, but I enjoyed it all the same.
I cannot wait to see what this class does, and what we accomplish. I am a little bit worried that my busy schedule will not allow me to participate as much as I would like, but I’m sure I will get through it. If there is anything that I’ve learned in this week, it’s that friends are really easy to make. It only takes a quick smile, a promise to hoop it up sometime later, and presto! You’ve just made friends with an ex con!
Week Four. 1/25/2012
This last class period was really difficult for me at least, but I would venture to say that all of the Honors kids were a little bit dumbfounded at the conversations that transpired in the two hours that we had this afternoon. We found it much easier to ask questions to a public defender about her job and the activism that she was undertaking. The academic was right up our ally as that sort of research is something that we can easily relate to and something that we see in our everyday lives. But talking about dealing with people with mental disorders and talking about what would have prevented you from taking this path was completely new for me and it reduced me to listening for the two hours while my peers who have been there and seen it firsthand talked feely, asked questions, and spoke from the soul about their experiences. This was a humbling afternoon. Thankfully I had a cappella this evening so I could sing and dance out some of the emotions I hadn’t sorted out.
Scott is a Seattle Police Officer who is part of the Crisis Intervention Team (I think?) and his job is to deal with members of the community who are schizophrenic, schizoaffective, bipolar, and have other mental disorders that impairs their version of reality. We talked a little about the alternatives to sending people with mental health disorders to prisons and the lack of affordable beds in the states mental hospitals. There have been great success stories in diverting mental health patients from the prisons, and also some unfortunate stories, but I couldn’t really relate to any of them. The only experience that I have ever had with any type of mental disorder is through the television and movies, and that is a warped, impersonal, stereotyped version of the real thing I’m pretty sure. You can’t really feel compassion for characters on a TV drama unless you follow the show religiously, and I do not do that. However similar to the former prisoners in our class, once a personal connection has been made, their background doesn’t really seem to matter anymore. I imagine that dealing with the mentally ill on a day to day basis is a trying, taxing, stressful job that must be done because if Scott doesn’t do it, who will? I think Will’s question asking what the police need caught Scott off guard in a good way, because it shows that we were thinking as the police as an ally in this situation. And we should, as Will put it, the Police are the ones who are directly dealing with these members of society.
Our other visitor today was Detective Kim Boguki who started the If Project which asks inmates the simple (or not so simple) question, “If there was something that someone could have said or done that would have changed the path that lead you here, what would it have been?” The responses are varied, deep, and quite profound coming from a section of society that mainstream society all but completely ostracizes. After watching the video online, most of the things that these women are asking for is something anybody can give: words of encouragement, letting them know they are worth something more than their feelings, caring enough to console in them, and others. These are things that everyone deserves yet these women find themselves in positions where they did not receive what they absolutely needed, and the If Project allows them to get it out there what they needed at the time in hopes that they can have an effect in someone else’s life. One of the stories that really got to me was Tiffany, and her description of what it is like to “go down”. She said, “This is no joke, we can’t even touch in here. You know, two years I haven’t had physical contact. I haven’t been hugged or held, and you can’t even imagine what that feels like.” This project is allowing these women to have a way out of their ostracism a little bit, by allowing them to share their stories they are allowed back into the community just a little bit. And sometimes that’s all you need.
June, Felize, those were powerful words you spoke this afternoon. As Dolphy pointed out, it is not always easy to get kids to somehow find the will to listen to a figure they have learned to detest. I think your words moved us all when you spoke of Pollard giving you something that couldn’t be found elsewhere in our country. To talk of how you will choose to lead from outside like you were on the inside shows great maturity and understanding of our world. I just finished listening to Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” and shivers were running up and down my spine. I know you will make a huge difference in our community and in the world of every kid that you talk to. I can’t wait to keep working with you and getting to know you and the rest of the class better. Every class is eye opening and simply breathtaking. Thank you.
Scott is a Seattle Police Officer who is part of the Crisis Intervention Team (I think?) and his job is to deal with members of the community who are schizophrenic, schizoaffective, bipolar, and have other mental disorders that impairs their version of reality. We talked a little about the alternatives to sending people with mental health disorders to prisons and the lack of affordable beds in the states mental hospitals. There have been great success stories in diverting mental health patients from the prisons, and also some unfortunate stories, but I couldn’t really relate to any of them. The only experience that I have ever had with any type of mental disorder is through the television and movies, and that is a warped, impersonal, stereotyped version of the real thing I’m pretty sure. You can’t really feel compassion for characters on a TV drama unless you follow the show religiously, and I do not do that. However similar to the former prisoners in our class, once a personal connection has been made, their background doesn’t really seem to matter anymore. I imagine that dealing with the mentally ill on a day to day basis is a trying, taxing, stressful job that must be done because if Scott doesn’t do it, who will? I think Will’s question asking what the police need caught Scott off guard in a good way, because it shows that we were thinking as the police as an ally in this situation. And we should, as Will put it, the Police are the ones who are directly dealing with these members of society.
Our other visitor today was Detective Kim Boguki who started the If Project which asks inmates the simple (or not so simple) question, “If there was something that someone could have said or done that would have changed the path that lead you here, what would it have been?” The responses are varied, deep, and quite profound coming from a section of society that mainstream society all but completely ostracizes. After watching the video online, most of the things that these women are asking for is something anybody can give: words of encouragement, letting them know they are worth something more than their feelings, caring enough to console in them, and others. These are things that everyone deserves yet these women find themselves in positions where they did not receive what they absolutely needed, and the If Project allows them to get it out there what they needed at the time in hopes that they can have an effect in someone else’s life. One of the stories that really got to me was Tiffany, and her description of what it is like to “go down”. She said, “This is no joke, we can’t even touch in here. You know, two years I haven’t had physical contact. I haven’t been hugged or held, and you can’t even imagine what that feels like.” This project is allowing these women to have a way out of their ostracism a little bit, by allowing them to share their stories they are allowed back into the community just a little bit. And sometimes that’s all you need.
June, Felize, those were powerful words you spoke this afternoon. As Dolphy pointed out, it is not always easy to get kids to somehow find the will to listen to a figure they have learned to detest. I think your words moved us all when you spoke of Pollard giving you something that couldn’t be found elsewhere in our country. To talk of how you will choose to lead from outside like you were on the inside shows great maturity and understanding of our world. I just finished listening to Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World” and shivers were running up and down my spine. I know you will make a huge difference in our community and in the world of every kid that you talk to. I can’t wait to keep working with you and getting to know you and the rest of the class better. Every class is eye opening and simply breathtaking. Thank you.
Week Seven. 2/14/2012
There have been three instances in the past couple of weeks that have truly proven to me how a person can change. These are moments in time that are rare to come by in a regular day, and to have such simple profound gestures come from those who have been through the worst is utterly moving. I would like the post prison students who I am to write about to know that people do notice the little things, that you are doing an amazing job, and you really do inspire us all.
My first recollection is a little hazy, as it happened quite some time ago. I remember coming into class, and Gina was talking to Dolphy about printing off a UW application for someone who is in prison right now. I believe Gina offered to print it off, but Dolphy said, “Don’t worry about it, I got it.” Gina responded with, “Dolphy, I appreciate all that you do for me,” and that was so cool! You never hear that in your everyday life! It is truly striking when sincere appreciation is given, and as heartfelt and honest as this was. I was surprised to hear it in this setting, but as I opened my ears more I heard this type of exchange all over the place!
The second instance that really caught my attention was after one of the Wednesday class periods, when I had to leave when discussion was still going on. Lizzie ran out of the class after me and thanked me for what I had written for my first reflection. I was especially taken aback by this, because I didn’t think that my first reflection had been anything too amazing, I had been just writing about the events that had transpired in the last week, and the emotions that I was feeling during that time. I hadn’t talked to Lizzie too much in the class periods leading up to that exchange, and I still don’t feel like I know her as well as I could right now. But ever since she thanked me I have felt a connection or a trust between us. I know that she is reading what I write and seriously considering the meaning behind my words. I feel like I am confiding in a close friend who thanks me for confiding in them, and that is exceptionally powerful.
And finally, we have June. Two weeks ago, when James Bible was getting ready to talk in our second hour, June entered the room in a fashion that is totally him: smiling, boisterous, and very friendly. He sat down in front of James Bible, and asked, “Who is this?” in a completely sarcastic tone. It might have been Claudia or Ari, but someone said (slightly disapprovingly), “That is James Bible!” June laughed and nodded that he knew it all along, but Mr. Bible said, “Oh now that’s fine,” suggesting that his reputation shouldn’t have proceeded him, or that it was ok if June didn’t know who he was. June was disappointed that James didn’t get his jest, but instead of sulking about it, he offered him snacks, juice and water, anything to make him feel more comfortable. I recognized this act of goodwill in an attempt to repair a badly timed joke as an excellent demonstration of how a person can change. I didn’t know the June of a couple of years ago, something tells me he wouldn’t have been offering Mr. Bible food after that exchange. Oh, and watching June and Nancy exchange Kendo hits back and forth was so much fun! June incorporated his own culture into the fight by counting in Samoan where Nancy counted in Japanese. It was truly a scene never to forget!
My first recollection is a little hazy, as it happened quite some time ago. I remember coming into class, and Gina was talking to Dolphy about printing off a UW application for someone who is in prison right now. I believe Gina offered to print it off, but Dolphy said, “Don’t worry about it, I got it.” Gina responded with, “Dolphy, I appreciate all that you do for me,” and that was so cool! You never hear that in your everyday life! It is truly striking when sincere appreciation is given, and as heartfelt and honest as this was. I was surprised to hear it in this setting, but as I opened my ears more I heard this type of exchange all over the place!
The second instance that really caught my attention was after one of the Wednesday class periods, when I had to leave when discussion was still going on. Lizzie ran out of the class after me and thanked me for what I had written for my first reflection. I was especially taken aback by this, because I didn’t think that my first reflection had been anything too amazing, I had been just writing about the events that had transpired in the last week, and the emotions that I was feeling during that time. I hadn’t talked to Lizzie too much in the class periods leading up to that exchange, and I still don’t feel like I know her as well as I could right now. But ever since she thanked me I have felt a connection or a trust between us. I know that she is reading what I write and seriously considering the meaning behind my words. I feel like I am confiding in a close friend who thanks me for confiding in them, and that is exceptionally powerful.
And finally, we have June. Two weeks ago, when James Bible was getting ready to talk in our second hour, June entered the room in a fashion that is totally him: smiling, boisterous, and very friendly. He sat down in front of James Bible, and asked, “Who is this?” in a completely sarcastic tone. It might have been Claudia or Ari, but someone said (slightly disapprovingly), “That is James Bible!” June laughed and nodded that he knew it all along, but Mr. Bible said, “Oh now that’s fine,” suggesting that his reputation shouldn’t have proceeded him, or that it was ok if June didn’t know who he was. June was disappointed that James didn’t get his jest, but instead of sulking about it, he offered him snacks, juice and water, anything to make him feel more comfortable. I recognized this act of goodwill in an attempt to repair a badly timed joke as an excellent demonstration of how a person can change. I didn’t know the June of a couple of years ago, something tells me he wouldn’t have been offering Mr. Bible food after that exchange. Oh, and watching June and Nancy exchange Kendo hits back and forth was so much fun! June incorporated his own culture into the fight by counting in Samoan where Nancy counted in Japanese. It was truly a scene never to forget!
Week Eight. 2/21/2012
Last week there was fire and passion burning within the post prison education students as they faced the director of the Monroe Correctional Complex, Scott Frakes. In some cases he was the man at the place where the students in our class were being held, in others, he was just one of those faces looking in. After the events that transpired in my life today, Gina’s question about healthcare in the prison systems came rushing back to me. How privileged and blessed I am and how unjust the system can be to those people who already have their lives taken away, and have their bodies mutilated while they are behind bars.
Deals with donating blood, potentially unsuitable for hemophobic persons
I gave blood today, my seventh time, as I just became eligible for donation again. My two months had just ended on Saturday and I wanted to see if I could squeeze in my gallon before I left for China in April and couldn’t donate for a year. The technician who was preparing me was definitely new. He took quite a while to do his paperwork, and marked my arm so he was sure of where he was going to draw the blood. After what felt like ten minutes waiting for him to get me ready, I felt like the needle went in to far. Sure enough, I was immediately diagnosed with a hematoma, and the needle was adjusted. My donation slowed as my platelets clogged both the second hole in my vein as well as the needle aperture. They stopped the donation and even though I was feeling fine, a laid on the bed for about two extra minutes. I was still feeling good when I walked over to the juice and cookies table, but all of a sudden, I felt my vision go fuzzy, and before I could say anything, I fainted.
When I woke up, there were three technicians around me and two EMT’s. I could remember my name and my birthday, however when I tried to think of what I had done this morning, or where my next class was, I was at a loss. My pupils were dilating like they should, and even though I hit my head pretty good, I apparently don’t have a concussion. My memory slowly returned to me in the next half hour, and when I was able to stand for three minutes, they allowed me to go. I went to my research lab and slept for the rest of the day.
I have never had a serious injury, never been in an ambulance, never been admitted to the hospital. But I’m pretty sure if I was in prison, I wouldn’t have gotten the aid to two trained EMT’s as fast as I did or have the technicians be concerned enough about me to sit with me for half an hour or so. Maybe I got the wrong sense from Gina’s talk. But the health and safety of all members of our population should be a huge concern for those in government, and while I am truly thankful for the excellent care I received today, I know there are cases where this isn’t the case, specifically in the prisons.
Deals with donating blood, potentially unsuitable for hemophobic persons
I gave blood today, my seventh time, as I just became eligible for donation again. My two months had just ended on Saturday and I wanted to see if I could squeeze in my gallon before I left for China in April and couldn’t donate for a year. The technician who was preparing me was definitely new. He took quite a while to do his paperwork, and marked my arm so he was sure of where he was going to draw the blood. After what felt like ten minutes waiting for him to get me ready, I felt like the needle went in to far. Sure enough, I was immediately diagnosed with a hematoma, and the needle was adjusted. My donation slowed as my platelets clogged both the second hole in my vein as well as the needle aperture. They stopped the donation and even though I was feeling fine, a laid on the bed for about two extra minutes. I was still feeling good when I walked over to the juice and cookies table, but all of a sudden, I felt my vision go fuzzy, and before I could say anything, I fainted.
When I woke up, there were three technicians around me and two EMT’s. I could remember my name and my birthday, however when I tried to think of what I had done this morning, or where my next class was, I was at a loss. My pupils were dilating like they should, and even though I hit my head pretty good, I apparently don’t have a concussion. My memory slowly returned to me in the next half hour, and when I was able to stand for three minutes, they allowed me to go. I went to my research lab and slept for the rest of the day.
I have never had a serious injury, never been in an ambulance, never been admitted to the hospital. But I’m pretty sure if I was in prison, I wouldn’t have gotten the aid to two trained EMT’s as fast as I did or have the technicians be concerned enough about me to sit with me for half an hour or so. Maybe I got the wrong sense from Gina’s talk. But the health and safety of all members of our population should be a huge concern for those in government, and while I am truly thankful for the excellent care I received today, I know there are cases where this isn’t the case, specifically in the prisons.